You might have noticed that it’s been quite a while since my last post. I wouldn’t want you to think that’s because all has been dulls-ville in my world – as if – quite the opposite in fact.

As most of you know I get Smiley to write up my adventures for me… well you didn’t think I was going to do it myself did you? Duh! Anyway, the twit fell off his motorbike a few weeks ago. He said it wasn’t his fault but how anyone his age can be allowed to be in charge of any kind of motor vehicle I’ll never understand. Anyway, the poor little sausage banged his knee and has been complaining about it ever since. How a sore knee can affect his ability to type is something else I don’t understand (I need to start a list) but I think it’s been less to do with the typing and more to do with his preoccupation in finding a replacement motorbike. The new one’s bright yellow… oh, good grief.

So with Smiley all spick & span we were ready to get back to normal service. Lots and lots to tell you about so I’ll start with…………………. hang on… what’s this? What’s going on? Feeling.. a… bit….… funny………think……………… I’m………………………. having ….. …………………………………… a …………… ngh..en ………… ghj*?eo ………………… zn^*n%4 ………………………….. %b*!>nf*bv?h …………………… f&z=2m6&$£zz…….. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx………………………………….

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Sorry, blanked out for a moment there. Not sure what that was all about, hasn’t happened to me for years and years. Let’s see, I was in the bath, then there was a lot of splashing and I hurt my back on something and then nothing. Weird. And then I was in the hospital with Frowny who was frowning even more than usual. No idea how I got there but I think there might have been an ambulance involved at some point. Sorry to have missed that, ambulances are very cool. I really wasn’t feeling too good. Bit confused. Just wanted to go home but they weren’t letting me leave.

If you’re ever in that situation I find that if you make enough fuss they more or less allow you to do whatever you want. So if they want you to sit down, stand up. If they want you to stand up, lie on the floor. If they want you to lie on the bed get up and run around. If they want you to be quiet because it’s the middle of the night and you’re disturbing other people…. well, I’m sure you get the idea. They soon decided I was well enough to let me out of there.

Great, back home in my own bed with my own toys at last. Really tired. Frowny said I didn’t have to go to school the following day so I was going to sleep till lunchtime and make the most of it. Hang on, what’s this? Six o’clock in the morning and I’m feeling…… a………. bit………………………… funny………………… ag…. ain ……………………… vvgh..xn………… xh??%n!ez…………….. ffffffn^*n^**……………………. ?>?b*!>nf*av!h

……………………….. rrrrr&z=**m6&$£zzxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ……

Woah!…………………. that was a big one……….. feeling really bad now………… head hurts ………………..  dizzy………………. who are all these people? …………………… Well at least it’s over now, I can ………………….. go……………………. vvvvvhhhd&***** gg%fff£gid? ………….. aaaaj$??!nngeee ………..???????????????????????????????

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Where was I? Back in the hospital? Damn, think I missed out on the ambulance ride again.

Head really hurt this time. People poking me and prodding me, I wished they’d all just leave me alone, I was really tired. Some funny looking woman with a frowny face kept trying to talk to me, didn’t know who she was but she wouldn’t leave me alone. Slept for a bit. Woke up. Lot’s of people talking all the time…. didn’t they know I had a headache the size of a Renault? Some talk about medicines… Eppy-lippy-something-or-other………. then something about the fact that they shouldn’t have fiddled with the dosage…….. worked perfectly well for 8 years………. put it back as it was……… blah, blah, blah………. on and on and on………

I don’t know what it was all about, I was drifting in and out of the conversation but it was really boring anyway. As soon as I felt well enough I made my usual fuss and I was out of there. A day or two later I felt absolutely fine and back to my normal routine: broke a few things, sat on the cat, flooded the bathroom, the usual stuff. Took me a couple of days to get my appetite back but I’ve more than made up for it since.

But people are still behaving a bit funny around me.

As if they’re expecting me to explode at any moment.